cnkelley

adopting, heartache, heartbreak, loosing a child, stepparents adoption, new dad, new mom, new family, injustice, involved in adoption, poem of adoption, adopted, adoptees, reunite, pain, misery, haunted, bad decission, life long, angry, hurt, child, abandonment(The poetic injustice that comes with having to give a child up for adoption. The heartbreak felt by most anyone involved in adoption.)

Help me believe in something greater than me

Help me achieve who I was meant to be

Make me regret all that has befallen me

Lift me above every uncertainty

Hold my hand on my walk across this land

In my heart my world has fallen apart

Never again will I be free from this pain and misery

Choices I’ve made have came back haunting me

I said goodbye, isn’t that what you needed of me

As I grow old I will regret this part

You never knew me even from the start

I’ll wonder sometimes where would you be

I need to learn to let go of wanting to know

What no longer belongs to me

It’s never ok to think I’ve hurt you this way

With the acts of a stranger; the man you never knew

I thought it was fair and what was best for you

But what I know now is killing me through and through

I just want to understand how I let this get so far

From where we were to me losing you

I gave it my best is what I have to tell myself

To bandage the pain and the bleeding of your name

Scarred so deep I can’t imagine the world you were left by me

There’ll come a day one so far away from now

You’ll knock on my door angrier than hell

I will not back down like I’ve done; so many times before

I’ll tell you my son why you are the only one

To ever be who I was trying to be

A man on a mission on the journey of your own

Lifelong dream of finding out what it means

The hate you will hold from stories you are told

By the hateful mouth that destroyed our home

I was led to believe you deserved more than me

I let you become someone else’s entirely

Forgiveness I’m afraid may never come my way

I need you to know you are all that is left of me

If that day never comes I will know

You were meant to be all that I was trying to be