Finding Me, the Journey of Miscarriage
Gods Child you have come to be, I tried to protect you from everything.
The patter of your heart and smile I could not wait to see.
After months of looking forward to holding you, we gave you a name, that was nothing the same.
You were unique, my child, my heart, that special part of me.
Time had other plans, and from this world, you had to be.
A doctor appointment, a third sonogram, tears flowing without end.
They said I had lost you and your little heart just failed to beat.
I was angry, lost, and confused at God for doing this to me.
My faith had dwindled, the sadness slipped in, I could not remember where it all began.
I wanted to hold you, to teach you knew things, to watch you giggle, when I called your name.
How do I move past a would have should have been?
No one understands, the life lost was that of my little man.
Scared to death, shaking inside, cursing God, were feelings I could not hide.
It just happens I was told, it was never good enough for me.
You can try for another, but how much time is enough to stop the heart ache.
I was scared to feel this way again, I shut down, and was even on medicine.
It happened as I was told it would be.
I was pregnant again, not long after this devastation took its toll.
I was cautious of everything, never knowing what took you from me.
Treating this pregnancy as if I carried the world’s stock in Gold.
I found my faith again and regained a bit of hope.
Your brother was born looking just as you were in my dreams.
A smile so big, an angel came to save me.
He was born exactly one year to your death, and it’s still hard to catch my breath.
I feel sometimes you are with him, and I thank God always, for what could have been.